Disappointment....

(I had written this weeks ago, but for some reason it stayed a draft and didn't get published, so here is the rest of the story, a few weeks late)

So in my last entry I talked about learning the timeline, and guess what? I can sing from Creation to Modern America!! But guess what else? The prize for only the first week. Imagine spending hours on end thinking you're going to beat everyone and impress everyone and get a Starbucks card too, and then, none of that happens. Well, it's not much fun. But the point was to learn it... theoretically. Hopefully that knowledge will be helpful to me in my life, cause it sure didn't get me a Starbucks card!

Priorities...

Thursday was my first day of Classical Conversations (CC) which is a co-op/class I go to once a week. I'm taking Economics, Debate, American Lit, Physical Science and Rhetoric/Shakespeare there. They have a "timeline" that starts with Creation, follows Biblical and Egyptian history, then European, then American. In my class we are having a "friendly competition" with who can get the farthest through it. And it has a "sweet reward." So I kinda studied, but figured it would just be a piece of candy, so I wasn't ALL that motivated. When I get to class I find out it's a $10 gift card to STARBUCKS!!! Well, I didn't win Thursday by 8 cards... so what did I do? I came home and studied! And what did I do yesterday? I studied! We have a CD that has it as a song... I must have listened to the song 3 or 4 times, while singing it. Since Monday I haven't been feeling that great, congestion and sore throat, but yesterday I started to lose my voice... maybe I should stop singing the timeline song so much.... take care of my poor sick body, then learn the timeline before everyone else!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!

School Starts...

"'It's the most wonderful time of the year!

The school bells are humming,

The busses are coming, 

To bring us good cheer!

Is the most wonderful time of the year!' 

Oh I love my children, but there is so much truth in the old saying, 

'Separation makes the heart grow fonder!'" 

-Happy mother of 4 boys

I suppose I now know how many mothers feel right about now... but that's not me. :P No, I started school today, and it's going to be an interesting year! Consumer AND Business Math, American Lit, Economics, Debate, Physical Science, Drama, Latin, and I could go on, but I'm sure you're already bored. ;) At any rate, I'm going to be busy, so it's possible I won't blog that often. Of course it's been more than a week since the last time I blogged, but you know, life happens. :)

It always feels like Summer has just started, when all of the sudden, it's "Fall" again! (reason for "s: Fall doesn't truly begin until mid September, but apparently happy mothers such as above and others in authority like to convince children that the "fall" really starts in August, and therefore school starts ;) ) Or perhaps it's just that time flies when your having fun. Speaking of time flying, I've got to go!

Not Quite Behind the Scenes... But in the Background

This summer my drama group's main show is Narnia: the Musical, but even though I strongly wanted to be in it, I wasn't allowed to. Granted, I did a couple smaller shows this summer, but I so wanted to be in Narnia. Of course, when one day after rehearsal for one of the smaller shows the director asked if any of us could be extras in Narnia, I immediately volunteered! So, since I didn't take the actual class, I was to be a statue, and later be brought to life by Aslan. I'm not very used to being so insignificant in a play. I mean, I don't usually have a main role, but still I always have lines! One day, she said, "Oh, I need you to stay after rehearsal to find you a dress for grown up Lucy." I was like, what? Grown up Lucy? I thought I was just a statue! So, apparently I look like an older version of the girl who plays Lucy! So we find me a dress that looks like an older version of hers, and there we go. So now, I am in Narnia, for about 10 minutes of the whole show. I would have liked to have been able to take the class, and therefore have a real part, but I didn't let that stop me from doing a little bit. A little is better than none!

Normally I would hate to be in the background. Unnoticed. I hate that feeling. But this experience has taught me something, it's not all bad to be in the back round once in a while. That way, you can learn and try new things. I can experiment with different ways to use my unique costume to improve my acting. I can practice reacting to things happening on stage around me. I can be the best and most interesting to watch extra there ever was, if I put all my effort, and don't write it off as just an insignificant part. "There are no such things as small parts, only small actors." There is so much truth in that statement! Have you ever noticed when watching a play or movie how one character captivates you and ends up being one of your favorites, even though it isn't really a main character? This happens often, and shows to the world that that actor can act, and isn't hindered by the size of the part. Chances are that after showing themselves capable in those small parts, they get "promoted" to large roles. If you show yourself faithful, doing your best, and easy to work with in the small roles, people are more likely to give you the main character one day, knowing you will not let them down.

Comic Relief brought to you by Yours Truly!

So here's a break from the sort of deep stuff... enjoy! :)

This morning was the first day of my first 4H fair, ever! I knew I had to check in at 8, and so we needed to leave at about 7:15. That night I had stayed up a little late, later than I had meant to, and couldn't seem to fall asleep! I think I fell asleep around midnight, but I wasn't all the way there, cause I was still thinking, not dreaming.

Around 1:30 AM I remembered something I had forgotten to do for fair, and so I thought I needed to get up earlier, reset my alarm. But since I was so exhausted I wasn't thinking straight. I looked over at my clock, and I read it wrong, I thought it said 7:30!  So I got my computer and tried to start reading my Bible online like I do every morning before I do anything else or step foot out of bed. But I was so tired I couldn't do it, I couldn't read. Since I was in a hurry I just put it down thinking, "I'll have to read it tonight before bed." Then I got up, went to the bathroom and brushed out my retainer and my teeth. I went back to my room and started getting dress, deodorant, body spray, and was part way dressed when I thought, why is it pitch dark outside? And why isn't dad up? Then in my tired state I checked the clock again only to see that it was now 1:42... shocked, and feeling stupid I changed back into my pajama's and went back to sleep instantly. This time I slept soundly till my alarm went off at 7...

What's Worth It?

I have a tendency of wanting to do a lot of different things, and thinking I can manage them all.  But you know what, there are only so many hours in a day!  What ends up happening is that I sign up for a bunch of things and thinking I can get all of the requirements done in time along with time to sleep, eat and have some free time, then each ends up having more requirements or it takes more time than I originally thought.

Ever done that?  Thinking you have it all figured out, you're doing drama (3 different shows), 4H, dance, starting you're own business, reading, Bible study, spending time with friends, and helping around the house and garden, then all of the sudden schedules clash and you're scrambling to try to make everyone happy.  Sometimes you think you've succeeded, but then you realize that everyone's happy besides you!  Or worse, you can't please anyone!  Then to do what you want you cut into your sleep time, and the only time you don't feel guilty about eating if you can multitask while eating.  That's been my life for the past 2 weeks.

Don't get me wrong, it's my own fault, and I take full responsibility for my mistakes in judgement for how much I can handle and not be stressed.  I just hope I don't make this mistake again, because it makes life pretty miserable if you are technically doing the things you want, but can't enjoy them because you're stressed about the other things you're doing.  Or you think you've got it all under control, then your mom points out you haven't done any chores in over a week, oops....  Or you realize you haven't talked to your friends a while.  That or you end up doing everything part way and no one's pleased, and when those around you aren't pleased with you, you're not a happy camper! 

It's an awful feeling, having to choose between things you really want to do, but it's far better to not do everything but do a couple things well.  If the people that matter, your leaders, your parents, and you are satisfied with your performance, it's worth doing less, so you can do better at the ones you choose to continue.  In the end you have to think, is this worth all this time and effort to me?  If not, that one should get cut from next year's schedule.  Don't quit in the middle of a ______, finish it, but know you don't have to do it again next time.  Right now I'm going through this, and knowing a few things have to be cut from next year's or summer's schedule, I'm figuring out how much work each is and if it's worth it to me.  A few things that definitely make the cut, my relationship with God, my family and friends, drama, and my new tutoring business. Everything else is going to have to be examined and decided upon in the next couple weeks.  Of course in a little more than 2 weeks everything is going to change again with the start of school.  Wow, where has this summer gone?  Oh, I know, in all the activities (and more) listed earlier! :P 

One of a Kind

A lot of times I feel like I'm clueless, innocent, and naive. But last night, I discovered, that's good, through one conversation. I was talking to one of my new friends that sometimes I feel dumb because I don't always get what people are talking about. I've never gone to American public schools, so when around those who have, a lot zooms right over my head. But he said something that really impacted me.

Something like: Just because you don't know what everybody else knows doesn't make you stupid or anything, you just know different things. I mean, you speak Spanish, you've been to China. You know stuff most people don't know! It's way cooler to know stuff that no one else knows and have no idea about stuff considered normal than to know things that everybody else knows. I would rather know cool stuff that other people don't know than stuff everybody knows any day!

So, you know what? I'm never going to fit in, but I don't want to anymore! Accepted, yes, that would be nice. But I want to be different, stand out, in a good way. I don't want to be just another person in the back round. I want to make a difference, and how can a "normal" person that doesn't do anything to be different, make a difference? How can you make a difference without being different? I'd rather be different and make a difference than be normal and eventually forgotten. Another wasted life that was content to go with the crowd, and not say or do anything to make her different. Why be ordinary when you could be extraordinary? I will never fit in, because there's no one else quite like me, and I'm good with that now.  I'm one of a kind, and guess what? That's a good thing. :) 

Better than we think

This last week I've been super busy in a drama workshop. We did a musical review... :) Through that experience I learned that even though everybody has things they are good at and things they aren't (although some are more obvious than others) it's possible that you're good at something you didn't think you were! A lot of us thought that we couldn't dance, and here we are dancing. Some of us thought we couldn't sing, but here we are singing. And some of us thought we couldn't act, and here we are acting. Perhaps, the biggest hurdle we have to being able to do something is thinking we can't do it. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to voice that they think we're good at something to make a world of difference. Just think of how much more encouraged this world would be if everyone voiced their encouraging thoughts.

Some Kind of Battle

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." 
— T.H. Thompson and John Watson 

Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl, who on the outside seemed to have an easy life. Only child, home schooled, pretty and outgoing. But few people took the time to dig deeper, to get to really know her. Only a few understood how hard it was for her to fit into the group, to make new friends. Few cared that she felt alone, and wished for everything they complained of. Few comprehended her background, and why she was different. And almost none understood that she lived in the constant light of her grandma dying of Alzheimer's right before her family's eyes. Although she might not have a dozen annoying siblings, a bunch of animals to take care of, or a sport to train for, she has her own problems, whether everyone else understands them or not.

That story is really pretty typical, that popular girl that has it all? Her parents are divorced, and she's trying to find love in the wrong places. That jock that has everything going for him? Someone else is living his life for him. That kid with the perfect family? He has problems at school. And the girl that aces all her tests? She has a single parent, and won't get to fulfill her dreams without that scholarship. That bully? He has been picked on by his uncles his entire life, and has had to fend for himself. That pregnant 15 year old? She was raped. And, well, you get the idea. Practically anyone, whether they seem to have the perfect life, or are doing it all wrong, it isn't always what it seems. Of course sometimes it is what we automatically assume, but we should live our lives believing the best of people. Isn't that what we want others to do for us? But everyone, including me, makes the mistake of judging someone prematurely, and it can ruin the possibility for friendship, or in some cases, someone's life. Hurtful judgments can scar someone for life, I know it's happened to me. So today, when some guy is tail-gating you, and you are considering slowing down just to show him you can go as slow as you like, think the best of him, his wife's in labor and he's trying desperately to get to the hospital. :)

Saying What Really Needs to be Said

Ahhh... we all have something to say, don't we? A lot of us are too shy to just say it. Some will only tell of few what they really think. And then there are those like me, who ALWAYS have something to say. Well, this is one of my ways of doing just that, saying what needs to be said. I've always been the type to say what I really think, which hasn't always been to my advantage. I've made enemies with more than one teacher because I've said what I think at the wrong time. Now that I've learned to say what needs to be said, and a bunch more, I just have to learn when and where I should. Easy, right? Wrong. But, hopefully this blog will help with that, cause I can just be myself, and say what needs to be said, and no one will be annoyed that it was the wrong time or place, cause it wasn't my fault they read it right when they did, wherever they were. :)

Although we all have something to say, not all of those "somethings" are important. Part of always having something to say is learning what needs to be said. Not having regrets is hard, but worth it. Standing up for  what you believe in and what matters, that you will never regret. But it is hard to think far ahead enough in the moment to realize what you would regret saying and what you would regret not saying. 

For some, it is much harder to stand up for themselves and what they believe in, to say what needs to be said and say what they really and truly think. Those might stay out of trouble with teachers, but they will never realize their true potential if they can't say what needs to be said in the moment it needs to be said. They will always be pushed around and let others live their life for them unless they can learn to go out of their comfort zones and stand up for what matters. 

So whether you are having a tough time holding your peace and speaking only when the silence on that topic truly needs to be broken, or whether you have to gather the courage to say what you really think, everyone has issues with their speech. But we're all in this together, and we can help each other out.